But a lot of men are nervous about broaching the subject, and particularly the specifics of their fantasies. They don’t want to frighten away their lovers, and also don’t want to script the entire scenario. So if a man brings it up at all, it might be up to his partner to press further, or to try different things. Basically, to choose different toys.
There are many different sex toys to choose from, from the simple to the extreme. When starting to explore, it’s best to start with simple items. In fact, at first a woman can begin with things she already owns.
Roleplaying With Clothing
When taking control of a boyfriend or husband, a woman can order him to wear something of hers – a pair of panties, or perhaps stockings. Wearing the clothing of a partner can be very erotic. And it shows the man right away that his partner is taking control. Submissive men generally fantasize about assuming what is traditionally the female role, and so wearing their partners’ clothing helps fulfill that fantasy.
Whenever possible, add the sensual aspect to your play. Instead of metal handcuffs, choose fur-covered handcuffs. They’re just as strong – after all, they’re metal underneath the fur – and one can choose a favorite color or pattern. They are readily available in rabbit and fox fur, or in faux fur, in a wide variety of colors. There are other furry toys available as well. Stroke your partner with a large fur glove while he’s restrained. Even an unadventurous mate can enjoy the feel of a fur glove against his skin.
Whip It, Whip It Good
When men say they like to be whipped, that doesn’t necessarily mean the use of a real whip. A real whip will cause real damage. And while it’s true that some men do want that, the majority are looking for something like a flogger. A flogger will give the same effect – the feel of it hitting the skin, the loud SNAP sound – but without drawing blood. But men like to hear the word “whip.”
Talk to Your Partner
It’s not all about the toys, remember. Talk to your submissive man, remind him who’s in control. Hearing “I’m going to whip you” can be just as erotic as the actual flogging.
A submissive man doesn’t want to have to ask for these things. He’s hoping his partner will figure it out on her own, that she’ll read his thoughts and make his every fantasy come true. This isn’t likely, but remember that submissive men basically want their partners to enjoy taking control. They’re hoping that their submissive fantasies are complemented by their partners’ dominant fantasies.
So instead of trying to read his mind, and instead of asking him what he wants, a woman can simply act out her own fantasies. These may not be specifically what the man had in mind, but they will most likely be even more exciting and erotic because he didn’t have to think about them. In these cases, the woman truly is taking control, and that’s what he’s wanted all along.
Because submissive men fantasize about taking the role considered traditionally to be the female one, they do often wish to be penetrated. But women, when purchasing a strap-on, think small. Men don’t want to be cleft in two – not at first. When starting out, it’s not about the pain, but about the loss of control. That’s the thrill – giving up control to the woman. So pick out a small strap-on.
Also, there are a variety of plugs and other toys for penetration. At first, use these only during sex. But test his limits, push his boundaries – this will probably excite him – and order him to keep a plug in at other times, perhaps while you’re out and he’s at home.
And of course, it’s about sharing the experience, realizing each other’s fantasies. If the woman too has submissive fantasies, she can simply hand her partner the flogger. He will understand, and perhaps make some of his own fantasies come true for her.